A New Year
Jan 3rd
Well, we are 3 days into the new year. Not a whole lot of winter weather and I am hoping that we don’t get much. It seems as I get older the less I enjoy the snowy winter days.
Hopefully this year will be much better than the last one. This past December was one of the roughest I have had in quite some time. A lot has gone on, not to mention that sweet hubby had a mis-step on the stairs and face planted himself on the landing on Christmas day. Yup, I sure am hoping that 2010 will be a much better year.
So raise your glass and join me in toasting in the new year. And I pray that it will be so much better than the last one.
Farewell to Tara Druyor 11-19-88 to 12-13-09
Dec 26th
This is written with a very heavy heart. I have been silent in my grief. I do not have enough words to describe how it feels when you lose someone who is so much like your own child.
Our family met Tara when our youngest was in 2nd grade. One day she asked if she could go over to her house, the next time it was if she could come to our’s. Tara delighted me from day one. She was smart, and sassy and very much like a little pixie. She became a fixture around our house. Often spending most of the weekend with us and time after school a couple times of week. She made me laugh at a time in my life when laughing was sometimes very hard.
Tara was tragically killed in a car/train accident. She wasn’t driving. I don’t think that she would’ve wanted to go out that way – it wasn’t exactly her style. Even now, it is hard to write about her let alone talk about her or think about her.
The other day I was cleaning and organizing some boxes when I came across some pictures of my mother’s 70th birthday party. Tara was there that day, sitting between my two daughters (I want to say my two other daughters because she was so much like a daughter to me) and you could see her laughing. I remember that day as if it were yesterday and not almost 11 yrs ago. My hubby (who was only engaged to me then) had helped me plan a surprise party for my mother at a rather nice restaurant and had even helped to pay for my older sister, who lives out of state, to fly in for the party. On the day of the party Tara’s mom called and asked if we could take her for the day as they had to attend their son’s swim meet out of town andTara didn’t really want to go. I asked her to put Tara in something other than jeans and bring her over. When she found out why she couldn’t believe that I would willingly take Tara; see Tara was a bit of headstrong child and often butted heads with her mom. But take her, we did and she didn’t embarrass me or even step out of line; she was a good girl the whole day. Behaved just like she was my own. Yup, I couldn’t stop crying when I saw those pictures; just like now when I think of her.
And every time I sit in my living room and see the white paint on my wood trim – I will think of Tara – you see it was her that painted my living room when I needed it done. I couldn’t do it because of injuries to my back and Tara stepped right in and volunteered to do it. She was just that way to me.
I was there for her when she needed me and she would be there for me when I needed her. Did she have some issues? Yes she did, but who among us doesn’t? I will choose to remember the good times with her, I will choose to remember the little pixie who often showed up unannounced needing to talk, to cry, to be listened to or just be hugged and I will remember her warm hugs in return.
I miss you baby.
Storm brewing and general comments
Dec 9th
I am sitting here listening to the wind whip around the house. The little one came home from work and said that it was rain mixed with real big flakes of snow. Oh joy!! I am so not ready for winter.
Thursday I will have to head a bit north to take my father to his bi-annual eye appointment and unknown to him also to his doctor as he fell last week and can’t really walk. He has refused to let us take him there so far and after having his nursing home and his doctor call me, I am taking the stubborn old goat to the doctor. Thursday will probably end up giving me a migraine which I don’t need right now as I am up over my head in projects that must be completed by Sunday. And I am not even talking about the ones that need doing inside the house.
Of course, with nothing on the agenda for tomorrow except things that need to be done inside; hopefully I will accomplish a great deal. What should be on the agenda is going Christmas shopping to get the last little bit of stuff that I need for the girls and the in-laws. (and by in-laws I am only speaking of the mother/father ones). That was supposed to be my agenda today, but of course sweet hubby had another not feeling real well day. I guess I am going to have to get used to going out alone – oh how I thought those days were over.
I am working on getting up the nerve to use my knifty knitter looms. I will have to invest in some more yarn before I start as apparently they take more than I thought to make a hat. Then I will have to give Pammie a call so she can refresh me on how to do it. With any luck I could spend a few hours with her learning how.
Sweet hubby has asked if I could knit him a scarf – now I haven’t knitted a scarf since I did one for SEB way back in the early 80′s. I do remember the basic knit stitch, but I can bet that I have forgotten how to pearl. Something about doing the yarn backwards or something….. And of course the ones that I know that know how to knit are all lefties or they are righties that learned from lefties so they do it different than I would anyway. I told sweet hubby that we will have to go to Michael’s and pick out some yarn – it would be easier and faster if the little one would just crochet him one like she did for me.
Right now I am also waiting on news from my friend about her daughter who is in Las Vegas giving birth (or having a C-section) and then my friend will officially become a grandma. lol I can hardly wait.
Blowing off steam and generally ranting……
Nov 30th
By the post below you can probably tell that I have kept the majority of that bottled up inside for quite sometime – ok, about a month to be fair. Sometimes you just have to let it out and not keep holding it in. I definitely think that by holding in stressful things and not airing them contributes to your overall health. If you hold in stressful things than your body begins to get sick from those unresolved feelings.
I also tend to think that if your feelings are kept bottled up inside that even if they don’t make you sick – as in I feel like I have the flu sick – they also tend to manifest in skin rashes or some other ailment that the doctor can’t figure out quite what is causing it.
So, I had to write that last post. I just couldn’t keep it in any longer. Sweet hubby is tired of hearing about it – he won’t do much about it – he still insists upon sending the childish one a present, though as to date his birthday has passed by 7 days and she has yet to send him a card. Come on!!! I stopped exchanging birthday presents with my sisters once we were all married and at least one of us had kids. I have never stopped sending them birthday cards – and one of them flat out refuses to talk to me. His sisters may send him a gift card via email and once in a great while he might actually get an email card; but that is the extent of it.
With my sisters, we stopped exchanging Christmas presents when we all had kids and then we just bought for the kids – I don’t remember the reason that stopped but I believe it had to do with one of them or their spouses being laid off and money being tight. Would I have wanted that to stop?? Yes and no. Yes, because times have gotten harder for everyone and No, because once you lose the time at Christmas with your family – whether it be actually being together or just receiving a package just for yourself in the mail – once you lose that, it seems that you are that much more alone in the world. The last time that I spent a Christmas celebration with most of my family was when my 20yr old was about 16 months old. After that it was just spent with the in-laws for part of the holiday and another smaller part of the time with my mother and whomever she was dating or married to at the moment.
When I started dating sweet hubby I knew he had a smaller family than mine (by one less sibling) but I was always told by his mother how close knit and loving they were – pardon me while I choke – and I was really looking forward to being part of a family again. [I am more close knit and loving with the family that I have created out of what was a friendship first. I have a woman I call my "other mother" (though after reading "Coraline" by Neil Gaimen I think I am just going to refer to her as my mother of my heart), her hubby who when I write about him I call Dad Jay; I have a little brother and a little sister in that family who both have spouses, and little brother has a daughter. This is the family of my heart.] My in-laws are no more close knit and loving than the family I was born into, so that has left me disappointed. The fact that after being in the family for over 9yrs I am still treated like an outsider or a despised relative does little to change my perception of them.
So, I thank God every day that I have my family of my heart; who I know I can call and talk to about just about anything, just like ‘real’ family is supposed to be. To all of them I say Thank YOU!! Thank YOU for letting me be part of your lives and treating me like family – you make me a very happy person. Love ya!!
An Open Letter to My Sister-in-Law
Nov 28th
Dear ……..
This in response to the email you sent about birthdays and Christmas presents and all subsequent emails that have been sent back and forth between your brother and you. Since I was included in them I am answering them, even though your brother will not let me actually send this to you.
As far as you being out on disability for 2 or 3 months and you are now behind on your bills – or so you stated – try being in our shoes and being on it for more than 4 years – do you remember that we have kids at home?
How about why should I buy you a birthday present when I have done so for the last 12 years and have yet to receive one from you? After all we have been sister-in-laws for the last 9 of those years. Your brother still wants to send one from both of us, even though you continually ignore my birthday and are less than pleasant to him when you do decide to give us a call. Your rendition of “Happy Birthday” that included the line about looking and smelling like a monkey that you left on our voice mail for your brother’s birthday was totally juvenile. We try to overlook that part of you, but honey since you constantly do stuff like that, it makes it rather difficult.
Oh, and your indignation about mentioning the girls? First, let me remind you that you asked about them and exchanging presents in your first email. Second, as of last Christmas you said, “If they decide to exchange presents with me on birthdays we will see what happens.” So it should come to no surprise to you that they aren’t exchanging birthday presents with you since both of their’s were first and you didn’t call much less send a card or present. But there you are worrying about who will be getting you something.
As to exchanging lists for Christmas being “told what to get someone”; honey, I don’t know anyone who is rich enough in this family to get everything that someone has listed on a Christmas list unless they have listed only one item that retails for under $10. Usually there is a minimum of 10 items on a typical list of varying prices so you get one or two things, maybe three if they are inexpensive or just one big one. I have no idea what planet you live on or what corner of the world you come from that is so markedly different from the one that the rest of us inhabit.
From what I have known about you and witnessed you are a very immature, spoiled little beyotch who whines worse than any 3 yr old that I have ever had the chance to encounter. You run to your “mommy” about every little thing that you perceive as a ‘slight’ from another family member and expect her to fight your battles for you. Honey, even the fact that you call your mom “mommy” at your age is so strange I don’t even want to go there. Your behavior has done so much to ruin relationships within the family that I, for one, am done with you. I can only hope and pray that one day your brother will come to see what you continue to do to hurt those of us that he loves.
Sincerely,
Happy Thanksgiving
Nov 26th
Up early so thought I would jot a quick turkey day greeting. Turkey is in the oven. And I am headed back up to my bed for a couple more hours of much needed sleep.
Just wanted to drop in for a moment and say that I will be posting sometime in the next couple of days. Have a few things to write about and I think that I found my words.
May all of you and your’s have a very Happy Thanksgiving!!
Quiet Sunday
Nov 15th
This is a quiet Sunday afternoon. The girls are out with Papa and the rest of that side of their family to go eat at Mongolian Bar-b-q. I don’t expect them home for dinner so sweet hubby and I will probably either eat leftovers or make sandwiches. I don’t feel much like rustling up a big meal.
Today was what they call Eat-n-Greet at church – personally I call it potluck, though I am not allowed to use that terminology when writing anything to advertise it. They designed it as a way for families to stay after, enjoy a meal and each other’s company. Since I have counting duties on the same week as the meal, I have to make sure to grab food beforehand or else I won’t eat. Today the main dish was stuffed cabbage or Golumpki which I absolutely love and rarely get – especially home made ones. My friend Kathy made them and they were to die for – about 4 inches long and at least 2 1/2 inches around – totally delicious. Even though Kathy had made a full size roaster of the stuffed cabbage there was only one left when the meal was done. There were also home made mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, fresh bread, corn and a few desserts to choose from. We brought a simple yellow cake with chocolate icing that I made last night before going up to bed. After a lunch like that I really don’t want to make much of a dinner.
As soon as I sign off of here, sweet hubby and I are going to tackle the “dining room/family room/office” and get the rest of the boxes out of there. We would love to be able to use that room over the holidays – just can’t seem to get the gumption up to hoe it out. My friend, Lisa, volunteered to come help me hoe it out and organize it as she used to do that for a living – hmmmm maybe once we get the majority of the boxes out of there that might be an option.
Well, if I sit here and procrastinate much longer it will be bedtime before I know it……………. that won’t get anything done at all.
Later…………..
Life today
Nov 9th
Well, it is a little cooler today than it has been the last 2 days but still warm enough to be outside without a coat. As far as I am concerned this could go on till December or January – I really have no use for cold temperatures and that wet white stuff that just causes more work and back strain.
Right now I am sitting in my kitchen listening to sweet hubby tutor the little one in accounting. (I probably should think up some other way to identify her as she is now 20. Just like all moms though, that one is still my baby – as is her older sister.) I am also smelling the roast in the oven that is covered with onions and carrots. Dinner time can’t come too soon for me – I am already hungry and still have an hour to go.
Today we went up to the chiropractor and he helped me to feel better. We also found out that the annual Thanksgiving dinner delivery that we help out with that doc’s office does will be on Sunday, Nov. 22nd which just happens to be sweet hubby’s birthday. He doesn’t mind doing that on his birthday, though doc said we didn’t have to drive if he did. We will also be there the day before with our youth kids from church helping to pack up the food.
Tonight we have a board meeting and I probably should call the other member to see if she will be attending because it would be dumb to drive that far if she isn’t going to show up. Been there done that and the wallet can’t handle any more unneccessary expenses.
Perhaps I will have some more to add to this later – like if the roast was good and how the meeting went if we had it.
Till then………
Gettin’ that chill in the air
Nov 4th
Yes, today I felt that chill in the air that usually hits about a few weeks before snow flies. I don’t like to feel it as it gives me an ache in my bones and a deep desire to snuggle under something warm and not leave the house. But today I left the house anyway and journeyed my way out to where it is even more country and the breeze had even more room to blow.
Today I went to visit my friend Lisa. I was sharing my one stroke painting stuff with her. She seems to want to do it and work on it together, which is great. I like having some girl time. She gave me bean soup for my lunch, which I ate while she fed her granddaughter, Mya, a little red headed pipsqueak who is really struggling to talk. Poor child isn’t even 18 months old and you can just tell that she will be a little chatter box.
Tonight finds me a bit chilled and reaching for the shrug that Momma crocheted me for my birthday. It comes in handy when one is just sitting and working on the computer. Or just sitting and reading or watching TV.
Well, that is about it for my thoughts at the moment. Catch ya later.
Lazy Sunday
Nov 1st
Today we left home and took a bit of a drive up north. Right now finds us sitting at Momma & Jay’s house, our bellies full of a delicious chicken dinner and our taste buds still thinking about the awesome dessert. Soon though it will be time to head up the stairs to bed. (There is a rumor that there is that incredible omelet that Jay makes so well for breakfast)
So other than waking up at the crack of dawn to get to church, then the almost 2 hr drive to get up here – it has been a pretty lazy Sunday. Nothing like good food and being with family to make it end well.
Hopefully you were able to enjoy sun and had the nice weather that we had today. It made everything very enjoyable today.
